Thursday, January 31, 2008

Friday Funnies


Guts is coming home late after a night out with the guys, being met at the door by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Why Join the Marine Corps?

"Why join the Marine Corps? What's in it for me?"

These are probably questions that any teenager that has ever been approached by a recruiter has asked. I'm sure that recruiters have hundreds of canned responses to every question, or objection, that potential recruits can offer. Here's a few of mine.

For me, joining the Marine Corps was one of the best decisions that I ever made. It has changed my life in so many positive ways, that trying to list every detail wouldn't be possible. Anything that I look back on in my civilian days as being negative, has been improved by my experiences in the Corps.

Before I joined, I was severely lacking in self-discipline. I didn't have much direction, or purpose in my life. I had a fondness for taking the easy route...things that took effort and hard work were not on my list of interests.

The Corps has made me different in several ways. I'm much more focused, I have a much stronger desire to be successful, and I find hard work rewarding.

Physical fitness has been an additional benefit. Not only am I in pretty good shape, but I've seen other young men join the Corps and lose 90 pounds.

Of course, the Corps has forced me to make a few changes, but the results of those changes are fantastic. It's not an easy life, but it's not supposed to be. It is, however, a very rewarding life on a personal level. I'll also leave the Corps with many qualities that employers value, such as discipline, dedication, initiative, integrity, and a strong desire to win. My college education that the Corps is paying for won't hurt either.

It might not be a cake walk, but it has made me better, and prepared me for just about anything that life can throw at me. I look back at what I was doing before I joined, and wonder, "Why in the hell did I wait as long as I did?"

Saturday, January 19, 2008

USMC Bootcamp

Just a glimpse into it...Nuff said..

Saturday, January 12, 2008


What does it feel like to drown? Is it horrible? Is it peaceful? What does the sensation of water flooding your lungs feel like? What does it feel like to make that last, frantic attempt to draw a breath, only to have your chest fill with water? I doubt that it's peaceful. Drowning can typically be described as a five stage process: Surprise, Involuntary breath holding, Unconsciousness, Hypoxic Convulsions (involuntary rigidity and "jerking"), and the end result-- clinical death.

My mother died of drowning as a child. I know...that doesn't make sense. She's got the newspaper article to prove it (from back in the days when the newspapers stuck to reporting the facts). She went through all five stages of drowning and was, thankfully, revived by some very aggressive life-saving procedures. If she hadn't been brought back to the group that we call "the living," I wouldn't be here, and I never would have known her.

I've given much thought to this over the years. Did that traumatic event affect her life? Is part of who she is a product of that event? What did she see when she was "dead"? Did she see anything, or did she just cease to think and perceive things?

An alarming number of children die as a result of drowning every year. It's one of the most preventable methods of death that we face, yet, it continues to happen. The scary part is that we cannot supervise our children every second of every day. Bad stuff happens to good people--it's a fact of life.

The "near death" thing is very interesting though; it's a shame that you can't catch that stuff on video to share later.

After reading a few articles about the process of drowning, I think that I'd much rather go out via a quicker method.

Food for thought.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Today's Observations and Musings

-Cell Phone Warning: Apparently, if you talk on your cell phone while it is plugged into its A/C charger, it can fry your ass. This recent safety message (I think I saw it on CBS, of all places) will go unheeded, if the safety message about driving while yammering on the things is any indication.

-Ben Franklin said that beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. I think that Yuengling is the embodiment of that mantra. My friend brought me a six pack of it from PA, and I am in his debt. I developed a fondness for that particular brand when I went to MD for a month. Mmmmmm...Yuengling.

-I'm just good enough at golf to get pissed off about it. I'm also just good enough to have that one shot each round that keeps me coming back...ahhh, the 220 yard approach on the par 5 16th on Sunday...

-I really need to start doing a crappier job at work. I seem to be getting tasked with more and more projects every day. Perhaps if I start screwing them up, I won't get tasked with as much...kidding; I'm just a busy guy, not a slacker.

-Don't ever piss off the garbage men. My neighbor once did, and he got interesting surprises on his porch for months. There's just certain people that you shouldn't piss off. Pissing off the waitress, or cook, before you get your food in an eatery is probably a bad idea too (might increase the saliva content in your food).

-If the cops are chasing you, just stop. By the time that they're chasing you, your plan for world domination has crumbled, and you're just another idiot that's going to be on video getting an ass whoopin'.

-I'm fed up with snooty gals that think that carrying a rodent, that they call a dog, in their purse makes them "high class." I have no use for those little rodent-dogs, unless I can stuff one in a jalapeno with a bit of cheese and deep fry it. I'm kidding; I'd never do anything of the sort...I've probably exceeded my max intake of dog here in Japan.

-The stereotype about Asian drivers might be true; just imagine being stuck on an island where you are surrounded by them. Food for thought.

Until next time, avoid toasting bread in the bathtub.

Semper Fi,


Friday, January 4, 2008

New Year?

Happy New Year to everyone that stumbles across this little speed bump.

Here's some random thoughts and questions that trickled through my mind today:

-What causes an otherwise well-behaved dog to go outside, piss in the yard, and then come in the house and take a crap on the carpet?

-Do cell phones cause stupidity? I'm convinced that they do. Drivers' behavior certainly indicates such.

-Broccoli is awesome. It's like eating a little tree.

-Windows Vista is okay...unless you like to have some RAM freed up for your own use.

-Military post offices suck donkey balls. It's not a question of WHEN your letter will "get there," it's a question of IF it will get there. Russian Roulette anyone?

-Fujikura makes kick-ass shafts for drivers. (Gawfer knows what I'm talking about).

-Ants are sneaky little bastards. I'm thinking about trying fire next.

-Safety tip: If you're eating a whole heap of food from Taco Bell, and you get full, STOP EATING. You'll thank me in the morning.

Have a great 2008 (did that rhyme?), and I'll share more of my infinite wisdom later.